Anytime I tried to run I had nowhere to run. No family, no friends I could stay with, absolutely nothing because of him. I dropped out of school and quit my job because my depression was getting so bad. I slept for day and days on end, didn't eat for weeks and felt like I was just rotting in my bed. When I seeked comfort from him, he would get angry, my feelings didn't matter and it was always “you need to grow up and stop being a little b****” From that day I never went to him about any emotions or problems I was having. I met a female that related to me, she was my safe person to talk about everything. He found out about her, said that I was a cheater once again and told me I was not allowed to have friends. I wanted change, I needed it! I lost so much weight I was 75 pounds at the age of 17. I was required to go to the doctor every 2 weeks because I was losing so much weight. There was no support from him. It was always something negative. I secretly went and hung out with a friend one night after work, I needed someone to talk to outside of work. I craved having a friend. I turned off my location because I didn't want him to find me, I didn't want him near me. He didn't know that I wasn't coming home that night, so I packed a bag and took it to work. He found out where I was based off the IP address on my phone. When I came home that next day, he was in a great mood, it caught me off guard. He looked at me and said “I want to show you something I found.” We went 30 minutes out of town, I knew exactly where we were going when we got on the freeway. He had pulled into the friend's house I was at the night before. This house didn't have any neighbors so it was slightly secluded. He asked why I was at that house and why I didn't tell him. I was so scared I didn't say anything, I knew anything I said was going to anger him. He lit a cigar, looked at me and said “this is how you make me feel.” He burned his arm 6 times and each burn was a reason why he hated me. When he was finished burning himself, he got close to my face and just screamed “I f***ing hate you” I curled up into a ball and cried. He got out, went to the house and punched in 2 windows. I ran out of the car and tried to stop him. I got to the first window when he turned around and started coming to me, the look in his eyes were so scary, I felt stuck. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything. He arms reach to me, balled up his fist and punched me in the face as hard as he could. I blacked out and fell into the mud. My cheek bone was bruised, my teeth went into my bottom lip and my right eye was black. I got up and tried to walk away, he grabbed me by my hair and attempted to drag me away from the car. I bit him to get him to let go of my hair. The person that lived in the house was parked at the end of the driveway and saw everything, they ended up calling the police. I had to work that same day so when I got to work there were cops looking for me. I was scared to show my face. At the time I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to be left alone. I told my manager that I didn't want to talk to the police and needed to go home. She ended up taking me home but the police were there waiting for me. I made a report, they took pictures and asked if I wanted to press charges. I told the officer that I didn't want to do that and need to be left alone.
Shortly after the last incident, he made me move with him to Arkansas. I didn't want to be there with him. I was terrified of him. We stayed with his parents while in Arkansas, his mother would call me names and told me that if I didn't clean her house everyday then I would be living on the streets. When I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant, his mother was not happy and put in his head that the child I was growing was not his. One day, she asked me to clean the dishes in the sink, I told her no because I wasn't a maid and would not clean up after people. Knowing that I was 6 weeks pregnant with her grandchild, she kicked me out. For 4 months of my pregnancy I was sleeping in parking lots, cars or couch surfing. After saving for months, we finally found a place. Things were starting to be okay, he worked the night shift as a correctional officer so I had time away from him. Since I was 17 and out of my hometown I couldn't get medicaid to see an OB for my pregnancy. I didn't see a doctor until I was 9 months pregnant. I finally got a job to start saving money for stuff for my son's arrival. When I started showing, he would look at me and tell me that I was fat and disgusting. When my son moved for the first time I asked him if he wanted to feel how crazy it felt. He responded with “no that is disgusting why would I want to feel that” He wouldn't touch me, cuddle me, love me, nothing. I was very much alone in this pregnancy and felt so disgusting. He would throw things at my stomach and attempt to hurt my son. We went to a work Christmas party, I dressed comfortably because I was 8 months pregnant. When I came out in the outfit I was wearing he told me I wouldn't wear that. He made me wear a very small tank top that was basically a crop top on me so it was showing half of my pregnant belly. I wasn't allowed to wear any makeup. If I did he would ask “who are you trying to look good for”
